As the caravan of hi-profile happily ever-afters rolls by, be it Lizzie ‘n’ Arun, or Ash n AB junior or your neighbourhood Khanna/Goyal/Mehta/Iyer WEDS Tanna/Banerjee/Shah/Subramanium who am I to proclaim such heresy against marriages/weddings u might ask. The voice of reason, may be. Or just of a harried human being shuttling between endless weddings of close friends and few more coming my way, who amidst the innumerable sangeet performances, frozen group photos and varied buffet fare, has had a eureka! Moment into the paradoxes of modern relationships.
The key mantra on marriage frm nosy aunts n hitched friends alike is tht no 1 is perfect, you have to make the best of wht u get, make a practical decision to ensure future comforts and yes, adjust adjust and ADJUST! Heady n absolute love is almost never mentioned; infact it’s frowned upon, as if the presence of it means tht the relationship’s aren’t marriage-worthy! And Chemistry?? Bah, tht grows, given time; look at your parents!!!
But wht of marriages tht hv adjustments, compromises and an adequately low dose of chemistry? Has it preluded the scores of men n women from being lonely within these socially sanctified havens of companionship? Has it prevented them from seeking tht elusive companionship from colleagues, frinds,exes and even strangers? And has it prevented some from exiting the institution altogether, leaving behind them a trail of spouse, children, litigation and bitterness?
I am routinely amazed by couples who make light of their non-existent sex life after a few years of marriage in newspaper columns n radio channels. Are these the same marriages we see all around us today where couples walk in hand-in-hand for parties and go home n sleep in separate beds (or worse, others bed)? Only because divorce is messier for the reputation and heavier on bank balances?
As the boundaries of mortality blur, we r left confused whether love and lust can coexist, whether broken families can spawn happy and functional children n whether a dose of mendacity might be the best thing to keep a marriage going.
Is it a wonder then tht in the midst of these shifting parameters, as marriages get more n more fragile, the wedding proceedings get more n more elaborate? 5-hr ceremonies, obscure rituals, expensive designer outfits (I remem Neha saying, “my reception lehnga is done by Ritu Kumar”) are some of the recurring motifs of modern weddings. Multiple celebrations are de rigueur. Add the word ‘celebrity’ (may be small identified person u hv known, use him to ur glory by seeing to it tht celebrity’s presence is noticed) to this cocktail and presto and every service provider worth his salt from candle makers to the paani puri supplier getting two nanoseconds of glory for the show out.
Has tradition become the log we clutch on to as we step into unknown tides of modern marriage?
I suspect no one is the wiser as to wht works and wht dosent, but at the cost of being branded cynic, I can say tht an entire industry of marriage-aids in the form of designers, caterers, hotels, soothsayers, decorators n many other are making a killing n how! Oh sorry, did I leave out the fourth estate?
As for me, I can confirm to hv run out of time, energy and money for any more weddings…. Including my own. But MARRIAGE ??? well. I still want one of those !!!!
I write this after talking to Neha for 73 mins 8 secs over the phone bout her WEDDING coming up on 15th May….
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